the last day of the year....

I know it's already 2007 in some places but it's still 2006 here, a little over 12 hours to go. I certainly won't be sad to see it go! It's been a rough year and I feel like I deserve a medal for surviving it.

Still trying to work out all the kinks in our schedule. Our little trip to the ER may have actually helped! I'll spare you the details, but we've been up since 5 a.m. I'm striving to make until a decent bedtime tonight. I may not even be awake when 2007 rolls in. Let's be realistic, there is a good chance I'll be awake but I'm hoping I won't be *lol*!

Tristan had a rough go yesterday when he finally woke up. He woke up screaming and continued to do so for almost 4 hours. I had run out of ibuprofen and couldn't get ahold of anyone to bring me some. So after 4 hours of inconsolable crying, I broke down and took the boys out to the store for ibuprofen.

Amazingly, as soon as we were in the car Tristan settled right down. Both boys were pure angels when we were in Wal-Mart. I got some school clothes for Gabriel, the ibuprofen, a few necessities and some new DVD's. I've been on a real movie kick lately. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact I'm practically up all night and there is nothing on at 3 a.m. *lol*

I'm a cheap girl though, so all the DVD's I bought came off of the bargain rack ($5.50) except for 2. I paid $7.50 for one and $9.96 for the other. I got Soul Survivors, Swimfan, Joy Ride, Empire Records, The Goonies, Stand By Me, Adventures in Babysitting, and The Craft. I sure picked some award winning cinema, huh? I love all my little guilty pleasures. I also got a Blue's Room DVD. Tristan likes Blue's Room almost as much as he likes Blue's Clues.

My Aunt Evelyn was waiting for me at home when I got back from the store. I don't see her that often. We used to be very close but she greatly disliked my husband and we "fell out." Though we have sort of reconciled. I still don't feel the same way about her. She brought the boys a couple presents. A little set of picture books and an Over the Hedge DVD. It was very nice of her. She barely knows them but she did very well picking out gifts! Tristan loves the books and the movie!

The actual visit was kind of awkward. She felt the need to lecture me about what I need to be doing with my life *rolls eyes*. It's really none of her business. Before I married my husband, I bent over backwards to please my family, sacrificing my own happiness. With age comes wisdome though. I don't care what anyone else thinks of how I'm living my life now. I'm the only person that can make me happy. I won't live by anyone else's standards and I won't have anyone tell me what to do. It's the one benefit to being 27, I'm grown up.

I majorly messed up with Gabriel's school stuff. I was supposed to take the papers for his enrollment and such to the school on Friday. I goofed and didn't get them there before the office closed. So I'm going to try and take them by tomorrow. I highly doubt anyone will be there though. If not, I'm going to see if my other aunt can watch Tristan on Monday Night. Then I'll get Gabriel and take him and the paperwork to school on Tuesday. I really need to talk with the principal and teacher again. I really don't think they understand Gabriel that well. He's almost 4 but really he's more like a baby. I don't they understand that. I need to feel some more reassurance about how he is going to be treated and cared for in my absence. I'm so nervous about it!

One ER Trip and 7 stitches later...

It was 2 a.m. I had one peacefully sleeping Gabriel. I had one wild child with sleep being the furthest thing from his mind. I'm desperately exhausted.

I think "Hey! Let's give Tristan a bath. He loves baths. Maybe it'll wind him down enough to go to sleep."

So I pop him in the bath, everything is all fine and dandy. He splishes, he splashes. All is well. So then it's time to get him out of the bath.

I had placed the towel on the sink behind me. So I stand up and turn around to get it. In a flash, as I'm turning around with the towel. I hear BOOM!!!

Tristan had climbed up on the side of the tub and fell off. He's on the floor screaming.

I grab him up with the towel and try to comfort him. I walk with him into the living room and he starts to calm down. I set him down and start to dry him off. To my horror, I see blood pouring down his leg!!!

He freaks out and starts trying to get away from me. He's not crying but he doesn't want me messing with his knee. I finally get him on the couch. It's AWFUL. It's this huge gash in his knee. Now it's my turn to freak out.

I'm frantic. I can't find anything to dress his wound with. He's partially wet and naked. Gabriel is asleep. I'm here all alone. I know even if I could find plenty of first aid supplies that the wound is so bad that he's going to need stitches.

So I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get him ready to go and a bag together for the boys. I started the car to let it warm up. I got a pajama shirt on him. I woke up Gabriel. Threw a couple diapers, his pajama bottoms, and 2 sippy cups in my purse. Wrap a blanket loosely around Tristan and put him in the car. Then dart back in the house to get Gabriel.

Off to the ER we go! So we get there. I park right in front and carry Tristan in. I have to leave him with a Nurses Assistant to go get Gabriel from the car. Tristan is hysterical b/c he's scared and doesn't want to me to go. I can hear him screaming while I'm outside putting together Gabriel's wheelchair.

It's a small ER and 2:30 AM so we are the only ones there. The doctor comes in and confirms my suspicion that he would need stitches :(. So the Nurses Assistant wheels Gabriel out of the room so he doesn't hear all the commotion. Tristan is TERRIFIED. He doesn't know what is going on but anytime the doctor or nurses get near him he starts wailing.

They had to tightly wrap him up in a sheet to get him to be still. The two nurses held down his legs while the doctor put in the stitches. It was awful. He was so scared and he screamed the whole time. I know a lot of it was that he was being held down but it seemed so traumatic for him.

He ended up with 7 stitches! My poor widdle guy! The doctor said he had the toughest knees he had ever seen! The also put the dermabond glue over his stitches for extra protection since it is on his knee. He has to wear them for TWO whole weeks because it is on his knee. Ugh, I hope removing them isn't as bad as it was getting them!

So here we are at 6 a.m. One ER trip and 7 stitches later, I've got two little boys who are very grumpy and seem to have little interest in going back to bed *sigh*!

One ER Trip and 7 stitches later...

It was 2 a.m. I had one peacefully sleeping Gabriel. I had one wild child with sleep being the furthest thing from his mind. I'm desperately exhausted.

I think "Hey! Let's give Tristan a bath. He loves baths. Maybe it'll wind him down enough to go to sleep."

So I pop him in the bath, everything is all fine and dandy. He splishes, he splashes. All is well. So then it's time to get him out of the bath.

I had placed the towel on the sink behind me. So I stand up and turn around to get it. In a flash, as I'm turning around with the towel. I hear BOOM!!!

Tristan had climbed up on the side of the tub and fell off. He's on the floor screaming.

I grab him up with the towel and try to comfort him. I walk with him into the living room and he starts to calm down. I set him down and start to dry him off. To my horror, I see blood pouring down his leg!!!

He freaks out and starts trying to get away from me. He's not crying but he doesn't want me messing with his knee. I finally get him on the couch. It's AWFUL. It's this huge gash in his knee. Now it's my turn to freak out.

I'm frantic. I can't find anything to dress his wound with. He's partially wet and naked. Gabriel is asleep. I'm here all alone. I know even if I could find plenty of first aid supplies that the wound is so bad that he's going to need stitches.

So I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get him ready to go and a bag together for the boys. I started the car to let it warm up. I got a pajama shirt on him. I woke up Gabriel. Threw a couple diapers, his pajama bottoms, and 2 sippy cups in my purse. Wrap a blanket loosely around Tristan and put him in the car. Then dart back in the house to get Gabriel.

Off to the ER we go! So we get there. I park right in front and carry Tristan in. I have to leave him with a Nurses Assistant to go get Gabriel from the car. Tristan is hysterical b/c he's scared and doesn't want to me to go. I can hear him screaming while I'm outside putting together Gabriel's wheelchair.

It's a small ER and 2:30 AM so we are the only ones there. The doctor comes in and confirms my suspicion that he would need stitches :(. So the Nurses Assistant wheels Gabriel out of the room so he doesn't hear all the commotion. Tristan is TERRIFIED. He doesn't know what is going on but anytime the doctor or nurses get near him he starts wailing.

They had to tightly wrap him up in a sheet to get him to be still. The two nurses held down his legs while the doctor put in the stitches. It was awful. He was so scared and he screamed the whole time. I know a lot of it was that he was being held down but it seemed so traumatic for him.

He ended up with 7 stitches! My poor widdle guy! The doctor said he had the toughest knees he had ever seen! The also put the dermabond glue over his stitches for extra protection since it is on his knee. He has to wear them for TWO whole weeks because it is on his knee. Ugh, I hope removing them isn't as bad as it was getting them!

So here we are at 6 a.m. One ER trip and 7 stitches later, I've got two little boys who are very grumpy and seem to have little interest in going back to bed *sigh*!

'twas the night before christmas...

Well, it happened. I got my Christmas miracle. No the ghosts didn't visit me (you know they only do that on Christmas Eve). I got my family. I never in a million years expected it but they came to me AND they are coming back tomorrow to open presents. No disrespect to people who traditionally open gifts on Christmas Eve but I've always found that to be quite anti-climactic. Anyway, it works well this year b/c the boys aren't old enough to understand and they won't be jumping at the bit to open presents when they wake up.

Now I need to get to cleaning and wrapping. I never did tidy up my living room, so of course I got visitors. Oh well, it'll be nice and cozy when they come back. Merry Christmas to you and yours....

Humbug!

I have decided to boycott my family's Christmas events. First of all, I'm just not in the mood for any of it. Second, they certainly haven't feigned any interest or concern over anything I have been going through, so bah humbug!

So I'll be doing Christmas here by myself with my boys. It definitely won't be anything elaborate, but we'll have food and presents and carols and Christmas movies. It will be more than enough for us. If any of my so-called family wants to see the kids they'll have to come here, period. I'm not leaving the house.

Ugh, my living room is a disaster area. I'm not all that sure how it happened. It was all pretty and clean yesterday. Tristan is a major destructive force. I'm quite disheartened by it. I don't want to clean it up tonight. In fact, I don't want to clean it up at all *lol*. However, God hates me. If I don't clean it up tonight, I'll be swarmed with holiday visitors just to spite me. So I'll be cleaning tonight, joy to the world.

I am really tired. Tristan had a truly bizarre night. He went to bed at 11 pm which I found amazing but he genuinely seemed tired. So I *tried* to go to bed too. I wasn't really sleepy but I knew it would come back to haunt me if he slept all night and I only got a few hours. So I tried. I got sucked into watching this utterly disgusting horror movie though. Something about maniac hillbillies (rather insulting, actually). The next thing I know, Tristan is waking up. It's 3 am, yay. He's up, he's energized, he's bouncing off the wall - oh joy!

So I drag my tired self back out of bed and try to wear him down, rather unsucessfully. Finally around 6 am I popped in The Polar Express and that slowed him down and eventually lulled him back to sleep. I am majorly impressed with his ability to actually WATCH that movie.

Then my aunt comes busting in early this morning. I was supposed to leave for a family thing last night but had already decided against it. She showed up in order to shoo me out the door so I wouldn't be late for the day's activities. She was in and out in a blur. I went back to sleep. She did ask if I was coming to her house or my uncle's to which she received no reply.

I've become quite the scrooge! Now where are my ghosts?

it's hard to believe...

It really is hard to believe that Christmas is just in a few days. I have a confession. I still haven't wrapped the kids presents!!! I really need to get on that!

Not sure what my exact plans for Christmas Day are yet. I have plans for the weekend with family. I don't know if I'm going to be staying through the Holiday or not. I'm not all that excited about it honestly. I know the boys will enjoy their new toys and Tristan will love the dvd's I got them. Mostly, they won't understand though.

This whole holiday season has just sucked. I've been so depressed and dark and cynical. It's funny watching all these Christmas movies and shows. It really makes me want to believe. I want that magic. I don't remember when I stopped believing exactly. It was around 4th grade. I don't remember being heartbroken or anything. Just an acknowledgement. It makes me sad now though.

Why do we stop believing as we grow up? Who says it can't be real? Maybe it is real? I know it defies reason and logic. I mean wouldn't the world be a much nicer place if it were all real? What if we weren't all haunted by the ghosts of Christmases past? What if we could ride along the Polar Express? Do we have to see to believe? What if believing really is seeing? Why does it have to be so hard to believe?

a long december....

Honestly, this has been like the longest month ever. It's strange to think that when it is over it will be a new year again. I like the hopefulness of the new year. I remember how hopeful I felt last year....a lot of good that did me, eh? Anyway, I don't bother wasting precious energy thinking "it can't get any worse" next year b/c I have lived to see that no matter how bad it is, it can (and probably will) get worse -- so shut up and be thankful it is only as bad as it is. Ah...there was a time when I wasn't so pessimistic. I guess that is just life though.

I've been sitting here half watching The Crow: Wicked Prayer. Definitely not the best of The Crow movies, but it does pack the star power with Eddie Furlong (The Terminator), David Boreanz (Angel --tv show) and Tara Reid (American Pie). I usually like the 'bad guys' in these kinds of movies but Boreanz sucks in this one. I can't put my finger on what I dislike about it exactly. It's just not good. Eddie Furlong does a good job though.

I did end up watching Blade: Trinity the other night. I went to the store afterwards, it wasn't so bad. I have to say though, Hannibal King (from the movie) reminds me of my ex-husband. Not really in a good way, he IS funny though. Marshall was never funny -- he just made an ass out of himself...a lot.

I've become quite the movie chatterer lately. I don't know why, it's just comforting to watch movies. Gotta take comfort in any form in comes in these days.

here i go again...

Well, today has been completely unproductive. Seriously, I don't know where the day has gone. I've managed to accomplish NOTHING. Well, maybe not nothing. I had a important meeting to go to, which I did, but other than that. I didn't scrap or design at all. I may scrap some tonight though. I've got some cute CT goodies to work with :).

Ugh, I still need to go to the store. I guess that is what I'll be doing as soon as I wrap this up. I really dread it. So close to Christmas, madness in the store. Two children who would rather be anywhere else. I *could* get someone to watch them, I think. As wildly unreliable as my so-called family has been lately I'm not really that sure. It's almost an insult to families to call what I have for a support system --a family. I guess if your life is so perfect you don't have time to think about anyone else, eh? Tis the season...

Think happy thoughts....think happy thoughts....

Okay, enough venting! I had a meeting today with Gabriel's team! He is going to start school January 2 *sniff*! It's tooooo close. Everyone keeps saying "Oh but it will be nice to get a break from him."

Please! Gabriel is a pure angel. Take the 2 year old, I beg of you *lol*! Actually we did talk about that. Tristan is still delayed in his speech, so he should qualify for school next fall! I can't believe that in less than a year both my babies will be in school! Amazing! Oh the possibilities. They would be gone from 7:30 am to a little after 12 pm. Hmm...I would probably just go back to sleep *lol*. I am sooooo not a morning person.

Hmm....Blade: Trinity just came on! I'm so tempted to stay and watch it instead of going to the store. Alas, I'm out of Pespi again though *pthpth*! I've been stalling here waiting for a return e-mail from my friend *you know who you are lol.*

Well, maybe I'll watch Blade and then go the store. It's not like I'm on anyone's schedule. We live a nocturnal lifestyle as it is and the masses of shoppers will be thinned considerably.

it's my life....

I'm here. Sorry to worry anyone. I've just been so depressed I didn't feel like plastering it all over the blog.....again. I'm sure it gets as tiresome to read as it does to live it. I'm surprised to find that I've had more concern from friends and people I don't even know, than my own family. I guess that really shouldn't surprise me though.

Nothing really interesting going on. Just regular, boring life stuff. I did end up getting my house all pretty and clean. Now if only I can maintain it! I still haven't designed or scrapped at all. I just don't have it in me right now. Maybe soon?

It is bizarrely warm outside today. Not very december like at all, I can't say that I'm a fan. I mean I like nice days and all but let's save those for seasonally appropriate times, k? I don't think it has to be warm outside to be nice, it can be nice and cold. There is a time and place for everything.

Tristan actually surprised me by watching The Polar Express. Not the whole thing, he wondered off several times but he kept coming back to it. I was impressed. It's a cartoon but it's not really suited for a 2 year old all that well. It is a really nice little movie, I'm glad I added it to our Christmas/Children's collection.

I just added two more DVDs to my collection too. Not kids movies though. I just won two darling little guilty pleasures off eBay! I won Tuff Turf and Near Dark. I would be surprised if you have seen them. Maybe Near Dark? It's another 80's vampire flick. It was released the same year as The Lost Boys (1987) but was overshadowed. That's not really surprising becuase The Lost Boys IS better, but Near Dark can't be dismissed. It's good in it's own right. Darker, edgier and honestly, scarier. I'm not all that sure that The Lost Boys is supposed to be scary though *lol*. At least, I've never thought it was scary, at all. Anyway, Near Dark has a young Bill Paxton in it. He plays a vampire named Severin, great job in the role, very chilling.

I'll be really surprised if you've ever seen or heard of Tuff Turf *lol*! It has James Spader and Kim Richards (remember Disney's Escape From Witch Mountain?). I don't have all that much to say about it. It's pure fluff, but I remember seeing it when I was a kid and I was feeling all nostaglic.

Well, I have got to get to the store today. Hopefully someone can watch the boys, so I don't have to drag them out with me. Of course, I'm not holding my breath......

rollercoaster, baby!

As Deb, mentioned in her comment yesterday, I am like a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm up, I'm down...loop de loop! I'm somewhere in the middle today, which is okay, I think! No scrapping or designing done. I do have a few ideas swirling around in my head though --thanks Lisa ;)!!

I've actually been concentrating on cleaning! I've still got a few projects to work on today so I'm not sure that I'll get anything done in the creative realm! I'm sure my messy house has surely been contributing to my mood, so I'm exorcising that demon!! I'm currently on a lunch break, look at that another early blog post *lol*. I better be careful...people might actually expect me to blog in the middle of the day! humph.....whoever heard of blogging during the day.........LMBO :P!

I guess my next battle to mount is taking my meds. It's really just this nasty vicious cycle I get caught in. I'll feel great, then I'll start forgetting my meds, then after a week or two, I don't feel so great, then I feel very depressed. Then I start thinking "why bother to take them now, it will be 2-3 weeks before they kick in" and it goes on and on and on. I have got to break out of this cycle. I know that if I can get on my meds and stay on them that there is a light at the end of this deep, dark tunnel.

Sigh...on a happier note, I got The Polar Express yesterday!! That was some fast shipping LOL! I had planned on watching it with the boys last night, but my Aunt Theresa took Tristan for the night. That was soooooo strange. I've been back home for about 2 months and this was the first time I've been away from Tristan for a night since. I co-sleep with him so it was strange not having this guy wallow all over me and the bed last night. I missed him! I AM thankful for the break though. Tonight she said she might take BOTH boys. We'll see, I can't imagine what I would do here without them!

I profusely apologize if I have bored you to death with my talk of depression. I wish I could just make up some happy stuff to blog about *lol*!! Believe me, I have thought about it.....

a collective sigh

Hey bloggers! I'm blogging early today. I know most of my posts tend to come between midnight and 4 am LOL. I missed blogging yesterday though, so it's all good, right? I just wasn't up to blogging yesterday.

I've had a couple of emotionally crappy days in a row, that is always tough :(. I can't seem to "snap" out of this funk. I haven't designed in ages, I haven't scrapped in days. I can't even bring myself to do it. I know most all designers go through periods where they question if their talent and whether or not they should continue. I'm going through that right now.

Mostly, I love designing. I love being creative. I've just been drowning so deeply in depression that I've been very uninspired. I do have some ideas floating around in my head but nothing large enough to really inspire me and build on. Maybe I just need a small break? I don't make a fortune at designing, but I do make enough that I would miss the income......sigh....hmmmm...I guess I'm already taking an unplanned break!

The really sucky thing is that I haven't been able to scrap in the last little bit either. I mean, when my 'slump' started and I essentially stopped designing, I was rocking the layouts. I could feel the creativity oozing from me while I was working on them. I'm feeling zapped with that now too. I've fiddled around with some potential layouts only to trash them.

I KNOW it's the depression. It has to be. I just really not feeling like myself. Things that I find great comfort in seem empty to me know. I can't derive any happiness from much of anything but my boys. Even with them, the effects of the depression are showing. I have let Tristan watch way too much Blues Clues in the last 48 hours :(.

I do have one bit of odd (and not depressing) news to share. I had the STRANGEST dream a couple of nights ago. I dreamt that I saw Gina Miller on David Letterman. For real, he was interviewing her on the show. Wanna know who else was on the show? Magenta. From Blues Clues. She was on the show to 'talk' about her new glasses. It was bizarre.

I know I have asked before but again, I would greatly appreciate any prayers or thoughts you have to spare. I don't know how much longer I can stand feeling this way :(.

good times

Whew, I am sooooooo exhausted. Seriously, I'm really not sure how it is that I'm still awake right now. Well I do, my munchkins are still up. Gabriel looks tired though so he's sure to out soon. Not sure about Tristan. I'm going to try and bribe him to bed with Blues Clues as soon as I'm done with this post.

I didn't get any scrapping or designing done today but it was pretty busy. I was determined to get some cleaning done today and I DID :)!!! I took the boys over to my Aunt's for awhile and had the house all to myself. I can't tell you how wonderful that is and how EXCEEDINGLY RARE. I wasn't home long by myself though before my friend, Daneille stopped by!!

Remember I mentioned on the on blog a few days ago that she and friend from a loooooong time ago were going to stop by! They did!! It was so nice to see them :)! They drug me out of my lovely kid-free house and down to a hippie commune we once picniced at together LOL. Then we went to eat some chinese food, yum!!

Ugh, I know this has been painfully short post but I'm just tooooooo exhausted to go on LOL. I'll try and blog some more in the morning LOL...

i am phat: pretty, hot and thick ;)

Well, another day with no scrapping, cleaning or designing. I'm on a roll! However, unlike yesterday, today was completely productive *woohoo*!

I managed to get to the grocery store today!! Thankfully after yesterdays fiasco both boys were very cooperative in getting dressed and OUT THE DOOR! So we got to the store. Gabriel in the front seat of the cart, Tristan in the 'cargo hold' LOL. Tristan tolerates the cargo hold pretty well, until I start adding cargo. He was okay by the end though, he actually fell asleep in the cart surrounded by stuff...if only I had taken my camera!!

So last week, I told you I bought a Blues Clues DVD for Tristan. I thought I did anyway. I remember picking it up and looking at it and putting it in the cart. However, upon further examination of the bag with the DVDs I bought last week, I can't find it. I search everything, including the car, no DVD. Great, I figure I left it at the store but I can't find the flipping receipt either.

So today, I get in the car and of course the receipt was right under my nose. No Blues Clues DVD on there. I have no idea how but I somehow didn't make it to the check out with the DVD. No biggie, I went and grabbed it again. Tristan was excited to see Blue in the cart :)! Amazingly enough, I also found two more Blues Clues DVD on the bargain rack (for 5.50). So we also bought the "Get To Know Joe" DVD and Blues Big Musical Movie, which we had on VHS already but it was worth it. I also grabbed The Little Women b/c I LOVE it! It was a steal for 5.50!

Speaking of DVD's I also couldn't resist picking up one off eBay. Last Christmas, our last Christmas as a complete family with Marshall, we watched The Polar Express. When I came across mention of it on someone's blog I was filled with nostalgia. Last Christmas, wasn't anything amazing. Having been ostracized by family we spent it with a friend. We were on the last legs of our marriage and barely hanging on. It was pretty clear there would be no more Christmas's for us together.....but still.....you know :(. Anyway, I just had to have it. I know it's not like the greatest Christmas movie ever or anything but it is a really nice movie, and I think I'll gain some comfort from it. Hopefully, we can watch it every Christmas and we'll have that little tradition to cling to from our last Christmas as an unbroken family.

My friend Kesha dropped by tonight. She was trying to get here so she could help me go grocery shopping but I was already gone when she started trying to get ahold of me, so I had no idea. It was fun to spend some girl time with her :)! We ordered pizza and rented a chick flick. We rented Phat Girlz with Mo'nique. It was a really cute movie. Not award winning cinema or anything but a very uplifting girl power movie. Finally a movie about a fat girl that doesn't lose weight to find her happiness but rather finds happiness with her weight. Totally awesome message for us lonely phat girlz ;)! That is P H A T. Pretty, Hot and Thick :). BTW, I'm moving to Nigeria *lol*....

Since I'm all about the movies today, let me share with a near 20 year obsession. Have you ever seen The Lost Boys? If you haven't what is wrong with you? I have literally loved this movie since I was SEVEN (yes 7) years old. It was probably the first horror movie I had ever seen. I wasn't even supposed to be watching it. My aunt and uncle were in visiting and they had rented it for themselves. They were camping out in our living room at that time. Being 7 and completely adorable I begged my way into sleeping on sofa bed with them LOL. So they waited until they *thought* I was asleep to pop in this movie. Of course, I wasn't *really* asleep. So I layed there quietly and became in awe of this masterpiece of film.

From that point on, any time I could get away with renting a movie, that is the one I picked. When the video store went out of business I begged until they bought the movie for me. I watched this movie so many times I can quote it beginning to end by heart. I know every scene, every gesture, every detail. I was obsessed. Obsessed with vampires, obsessed with Kiefer Sutherland, obsessed with The Lost Boys. I bought an orginal poster from the movie, the soundtrack, I ordered still photos from the movie and other promotional shots, my mother hired an agency to search for the long out of print novelization of the movie (which I did manage to get!), I searched all night to find the special edition DVD when it came out - and after much searching did finally locate a store that had it!

I can't quite articulate why I love this movie so much. It's just awesome to me. If you haven't ever seen it please do, it comes on TV every now and again. Mostly on Sci-Fi but occasionally it will come on TBS. It's just this cool little vampire flick, lately I've been watching it a lot again and it's been fun. Maybe I'll do a kit about it!

and the band played on....

As expected, Tristan's early bedtime last night backfired horribly. He did wake up at 2 am and was not going to go back to bed! As things would go, Gabriel woke up too, so it was party!!! Little stinkers stayed up til 5 am. I was sooooooo exhausted when I finally went back to sleep. Fortunately they both slept in. Small favors, eh?

This day has been soooooo unproductive. I've just been dragging all day and have managed to effectively accomplish absolutely nothing. I literally mean nothing, I can barely drag myself off the couch. I haven't cleaned, I haven't scrapped or designed. I've been pretty much useless altogether.

I did have one goal for the day. I meant to go to the grocery store. This is no easy feat, in and of itself. One special needs child that can't sit up by himself and one uncontrollable toddler. Of course, fate had other plans for me today. As I was planning my trip to the grocery store, Gabriel decided it was the perfect time for a nap. Alright then. We are not on anyone's schedule so, no big deal. We can wait until he wakes up.

Little guy must have been exhausted becuase he sleeps until 5:30. Of course, this can't be simple. His pullup has massively overflowed. Not a pretty picture. He has also decided that he is starving so he's screaming his head off.

First things first, I grab him and put him in the bathtub. Enter: Tristan. Now Tristan loves baths. They are like his most favorite thing in the world right now. So Gabriel is screaming, unhappy that I've plunked him down and the tub and he's still hungry. Tristan is trying like the devil to get himself undressed becuase he is determined to get in the bath too.

Alright, managed to handle that. Both boys are squeeky clean and scented like Lavender Baby Wash (*dreamy sigh*). Now we play the "keep your socks on game". This game is primarily played by Gabriel, but occasionally Tristan joins in on the fun! So I put Gabriel's socks on. Grab his sweatpants. I put his socks back on. I put one leg in the sweatpants. Put his sock back on. Put the other leg in his sweatpants, put his other sock back on. Put his turtleneck on, put socks back on AGAIN. Fun game, eh?

Alright, now for a sippy cup for Gabriel. Okay, Tristan wants one too. Where is Tristan's cup? Not a clue, ugh.

Okay finally found the sippy cup. Now both boys have cups!

Great time for me to get ready. Where are my shoes? Hmm? Snow is on the ground, so sandals are out. Woohoo, found the shoes!! Okay, ready to go. Grab the boys winter coats, time to put them on....

AND GABRIEL IS ASLEEP AGAIN!! (and sockless I might add) *sigh*. I give up, no trip to the store today. The real travesty is that I'M OUT OF PEPSI!! For shame, for shame :(. I might just toss the kids in the car and make quick trip the gas station.....

.....and the band played on......

things that go bump in the night?

I can't quite get used to having a cat. I love her dearly, she's really like the perfect cat. She's great with Tristan, she's playful, she's loving, she's great!! Hearing her rumble around the house at night has about given me a heart attack too numerous times to count. Seriously, it has freaked me out so badly. I get spooked too easily I think.

I love horror movies but haven't been able to watch one here at home since the seperation from my husband. I just get too freaked out being home alone after watching a scary movie. Lena doesn't watch scary movies so I didn't get to watch them when I was living with her either :(.

It has been a super quiet day here in Bella Gypsy Land, quiet peaceful actually. I scrapped a little bit, I did some laundry, I procrastinated cleaning LOL. My friend, Kesha, dropped by and we hung out for a bit. It was a very pleasant evening. Tristan actually fell asleep early tonight which is nothing short of amazing.

Thank you girlies, who commented on my blog yesterday. It really lifts my spirit that I'm not blogging to nobody! It's quiet lonely thinking that no one is reading. I know I blog at bizarrely random times but I try to make sure and blog on most days.

Ugh, my c-section scar has been itching all day. The problem with that is that I can't scratch it, or rather I CAN scratch it but I CAN'T feel it when I scratch. It's soooooo annoying. I regained complete feeling after my first section so I was surprised to find with my second section that I have lost feeling on pretty large portion of my abdomen, I am NOT a fan!

I hope Tristan doesn't wake up at the crack of dawn! The last time he checked out early on me, he was up SOOOOO early I could barely function. I had, of course, stayed up super late. So him waking at 5 am was very unwelcome. Of course, the alternative isn't very pleasant either. He conked out on our couch and he seems very restless to me right now. I don't think I want him to wake up right now and be up for hours either. Oh well, I guess everything comes with a price....

I had another little surprise this evening! A long time, childhood friend of mine IM'd me out of the blue. I used to talk to her at least once or twice a month but she and her dh seperated and she doesn't have a pc anymore, so our chances at talking curbed considerably. It seems, a mutual friend from our VERY DISTANT PAST has contacted her! I'm talking ancient history here, we were like 13 or 14 the last we heard from this guy. He has been searching for her and wants to come see her. He wants to see me too, so it seems like they might be stopping by for visit on Saturday. I guess I can't procrastinate on the cleaning any more this week ;)! If they do manage to stop for visit, I'll try to snap some pics, her little girl is the CUTEST!

Alright, I guess I should stop rambling on. If Tristan really is out for the night I better get my tushy in bed. Ugh,.....i'm not sleepy at all though....ugh.... Anyway before I depart I shall, of course, share my pages with you!! My designing mojo has gone AWOL, at the moment, but my scrapping mojo has pumped up the volume!!

I bought these horribly girly antlers for Tristan last Christmas! I couldn't resist them!! He was sooooo cute in them, my widdle weindeer!!

Hip Dot Holiday kit by Jen Beschinki. Fonts are 2Peas Hot Chocolate and 2Peas Cross Eyed.

This is photo of Gabriel from last fall. It's actually not my first time scrapping it. I really love the photo and can't seem to do it justice to my standard. I think I finally got it this time though ;)!

Forgotten Fairytales from the Muted Memory collection by Rose Farver. Alpha by Kimberly Giarrusso. Calender dates by Misty Mareda, Doodle from Smorgasbord Supreme by Carrie Stepens. Fonts are CK Legacy and 2Peas Hot Chocolate.

she's baaaaaaa-ack....

Did anyone miss me? I'm feeling fairly certain that no one reads this thing lately *sigh*. I just wasn't up to blogging the last few days. I wasn't up to much of anything. I didnt' feel like scrapping or designing either. As you'll see later in the post, I finally did scrap yesterday.

I'm still struggling to take my meds. I can't seem to force myself to take them. I know it is so making everything worse. I could really use any and all prayers or positive thoughts you can spare so I can get through this. It has been hitting me really, really hard :(.

I got a surprise on Saturday. My friend, Kesha, called and had set me up on a date with a mutual friend of ours. I haven't seen this guy in years but we are both seperated and he is super nice guy. Kesha was having a birthday party at her house for her husband, Tim. Kesha thought it would be a nice opportunity for us to get together with no pressure.

I couldn't do it though. It's nothing against the guy at all. It was all me. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't get myself to call him and let him know I'd like to see him. Confronted with the possibility of seeing someone I just couldn't do it. I froze in terror. I'm just not ready for all the stuff that comes along with "putting myself out there". I've just been through too much and I'm so broken from it.

Sunday, was completely blah. I watched the Law and Order CI marathon. I tried to scrap fruitlessly. I worked on a page all day. I never could get it right so I kept starting over. In fact, I never managed to scrap that page, period. I gues it's just not meant to be right now. The story of my life, eh...

I had to change the song on my blog. I do love Christmas carols and I listen to them all the time ( -- even when they are out of season) :). I just LOVE that Hinder song though. It's my new favorite right now, I can't get enough of it! LOVE IT!

Little known fact: I pump up the music and dance around the living room with my boys at least once a day. It's so much fun. They LOVE it. Tristan gets so excited. He anticipates certain parts of the songs and "sings alongs" or does a special dance. Especially "Cowboy" by Kid Rock. I'd have to say that is his favorite. It's sooo adorable. I'm going to try and capture some pictures of it next time.

In other news, have you seen the previews for the new "live action" Charlotte's Web? Now I loved that CARTOON as a child. Who didn't? I have to confess though, this new version. That spider...*shudder*. FREAK ME OUT. It just freaks me out. Nothing cute about it. Will NOT be adding that one our collection...

Speaking of spiders.... Have you seen this? Black Widows in Grapes. I am NEVER buying grapes again...really I"M NEVER BUYING GRAPES AGAIN. I don't care how small the possibility. ANY possibility is too much.

Onto more pleasant subjects! My page :)!!! This first page is of the boys on the last day of November. Gabriel had just awoke from his nap in the pack and play and Tristan crawled in and layed down next to him. It was such a funny moment!!

Whimsy by Melany Violette, Alpha by Traci Reed (from Essentially Fall), Stitch by Gina Miller (from BYOBB add on), Flower by Amanda Rockwell ( from A Mother's Love: Gentle), Brad by Amanda Rockwell (from A Mother's Love: Soft). Brackets by Carrie Stephens (from Smorgasbord Supreme). Paper Tear by Atomic Cupcake. Fonts are CK Little Women and 2Peas Hot Chocolate.

When I came across this photo I couldn't believe that I never scrapped it. It is sooo cute and so very much typical of Gabriel as a widdle guy. He was also so thrilled to see me in the morning!

His Nursery from the Expecting Sweet Stuff Collection by Robin Carlton and Christy Lyle. Fonts are Keyboard Plaque and 2Peas Hot chocolate.

This last page is from a little photo shoot in May of this year. Tristan gets sooo animated when he is talking. This photo captures it so perfectly!

Heartbreaker by Dani Mogstad. Tag is from Stolen Kisses also by Dani Mogstad. String and alpha by Kimberly Giarrusso. Fonts are Susie's Hand and 2Peas Hot Chocolate.

Baby, It's Cold Outside....

I love that song!! I think it's my favorite Christmas song, I wish I could find it to put on the blog!

I am feeling better today. I can hardly believe it's already December! Where has the year gone already? It's been quite a year, I can't say that I would care to repeat it. I'm hoping 2007 brings happier things to my life. Things have been way to chaotic for me this year. Too many moves, too many heartbreaks, too many disappoinments.

I took the boys out Christmas shopping today. I needed stuff from the grocery store or I wouldn't have gone. It's not that I didn't want to go grocery shopping but I didn't to take the boys with me. I can't say that I tried all that hard to find a sitter though, so no one to blame. It was actually a pretty nice trip. The boys were very well behaved considering the length of the trip. Thank goodness both of them are totally oblivious to the whole Christmas things still or I couldn't have taken them with me. Luckily I was able to put toys in the cart and they were all happy and playing with them but they are still young enough to forget about them LOL. I'm hoping to get them wrapped tonight and under the tree.

I have to say they wracked up pretty well! The toys are community property here, some of them are more appropriate for one of the other though. I got them a keyboard, a soft train and track, a Buzz Lightyear soft car that makes sounds, a bag of big legos, a Go Diego Go Doodling toy thingie (not sure what to call it but you write on it and wipe it off and write some more LOL), one of those steering wheel toys, a lion puppet that crinkles, big storybook that talks and sings and a set of counting maraccas.

We are also adding to our Disney Collection for Christmas. I picked Toy Story, Toy Story 2 and Cars for them. Neither of them really watch them at this point. I mean, Tristan does to a certain extent. He doesn't quite have the patience for an entire movie yet. I know one day he will though ;)! I also picked a Blues Clues DVD with like 8 or 10 of the "best" episodes (according to who, I don't know?). That one won't wait to Christmas though. We have tons of BC videos, but I only a DVD player in my bedroom, so now Tristan can watch BC in there too!

I also got them winter coats but those aren't for Christmas, just a necessity. They are matching coats, I just love to propagate the idea that they are twins. People always ask me everywhere I take them, its' even more irresistable when they are dressed the same. I also picked up a couple of matching turtlenecks and Santa hats for Christmas pictures.

I got a jingle bell wreath, I've wanted one for years but just never had the extra cash to spend on something so frivolous. I can't wait to put it up on the door. I also picked up a set of jingle bells to go on the tree, now I hear them jingle every time Tristan (or Willow) gets a little too curious. I also got a few other cute ornaments for the tree.

Tristan has been such a sweetie since we got home. He keeps crawling up into my lap. It's actually not that difficult to type with him up here. I can tell he's a sleepy boy. He's trying to lay on me so he can fall asleep. This is a request, I'll gladly oblige for him. It's so sweet. He hasn't napped much today, only a little tiny nap in the car. [and he's asleep, i love my boy]

Awe, that was nice....I just went and tucked him into bed. Hopefully he'll stay there!! I think I might have carpel tunnel -- or something. For the last day or two, my side of my hand and pinky finger have been tingling, like they were waking up from being asleep. It won't go away, sometimes it's worse than others. Every now and then my pink and ring finger will throb. *sigh* I guess I need to try and see a dr about it.

Pardon me for a second, while I vent about light bulbs. Have you ever heard that if you go through a lot of light bulbs that it is becuase you have ghosts or paranormal activity in your house? Obviously, I have heard this. I go through an obscene amount of light bulbs, it's kind of freaky actually. Last time I bought light bulbs I got the kind that are "guaranteed" for a year. Of course, less than a month of use and zap argh. Two of them have blown this week. I can't find what I did with the rest of the package. Of course, I forgot to buy more bulbs at the store today. I had to borrow some from a neighbor, lets see how long these last.

Here are a couple of pages I scrapped last night. I was afflicted by insomnia. They are both scraplifts of fellow Duncan Donuts! This one is ode to my Tristan's big heart. Here is the LO I lifted: http://www.digishoptalk.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=37742

Windsor kit [from Paper and Ribbons Collection] by Tracy Ann. Photo Corner by Corina Nielson, Ribbon Flower by Amy Martin, Heart Stamp by Laura Alpuche.

This is another lift from a fellow Donut! Here is the LO I lifted: http://www.digishoptalk.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=19078
Strong [from A Mother's Love Collection] by Amanda Rockwell. Alpha by Corina Nielson.