Thinking hard....

I hate change. I really do. I'm such a creature of habit. My life has been full of constant change for the last 3 months or so. I feel like I'm going to crack under the pressure.

Having just passed my wedding anniversary has spurred a lot of thinking about being seperated. Do I really want to be divorced? Does anyone? Would anything change if we reconciled? I don't know. I want to believe things could be better but I don't know. I don't know if I can ever trust him again.

I'm currently in a relationship with a guy I like a lot. I'm just not sure if it's going anywhere. I don't think it is. As much as I want to be with him, we are just, at the core, very different. Maybe too different. Now I know if I break up with my boyfriend, that does not mean I have to reconcile with my husband. Of course, that is in my nature. I have a dependent personality. I need to be able to depend on someone. I think at the core, that is how my guy and I are most different. He is very independent, and I am not. Of course, I'm sure out of those two scenarios his is healthier emotionally, than mine is. I just don't know how to change it.

I just look at my life. Five years of marriage and two children, one with special needs. It seems wrong to throw it away, to walk away from it. I don't know that I can do it.

Boring!

I swear, I have the most boring life. I rarely leave the house, pretty much only to the store or the doctors office. I get through my day, trying to entertain my boys and scrap or design. I watch sitcoms in the middle of the afternoon and read when I catch a spare moment.

It's just too difficult to leave the house, by myself. I have one raging ball of energy and one special needs child. If Tristan were more controlled then I could probably manage it but he absolutely isn't.

I just started reading One Door Away From Heaven by Dean Koontz. I'm only a couple chapters in. I was too distracted by Tristan to concentrate. It's really impossible to read while he is awake, I don't know why I bothered trying.

Well, I had better finish up, HBO is playing Robots, which should occupy Tristan for approximately 4 minutes LOL!

5 years later....

Five years ago, at this very moment, I was about to walk down the aisle. I was in my wedding gown, preparing to start my life with my new husband. I would have never imagined that 5 years later, I would be blogging about it, alone with my two boys. It's been a rough day and it's not looking to get any better *sigh*.

Gabriel is down for a nap, and Tristan is, of course, watching Blues Clues. We got a new video today in the mail, from Ebay. Playtime with Periwinkle, I'm slightly annoyed that it took so long to be mailed the auction ended on April 30 and she didn't mail it until May 10 and there is no cover to the tape. Oh well, I'm not the type to complain so I'm sure I'll leave positive feedback. The tape is important, not the cover.

I need to get to the store to buy more Nuby sippy cups. You know the plastic ones with the soft spout. It's the only ones the boys will take. Unfortunately Tristan chews holes in the spout making them useless :(.

I managed to scrap last night :)!
Paula Duncan's Wallpaper Minikit. Fonts are AL Charisma and Century Gothic.

just breathe

Thank God for Blues Clues. No really, Thank God! Some days I don't think I could hold my sanity, without Joe and/or Steve and that precious puppy Blue. Being a single mother is, by far, the most difficult undertaking I have ever ventured. I'm stealing a few peaceful moments, thanks to Blue right at this very moment, thanks Blue ;)!

My day has been terribly mundane. Tristan has tried my patience to it's fullest extent. My little daredevil just loves to leap from our coffee table, a habit I'm trying to break desperately. I lost several hours earlier this afternoon when I became interested in the movie, Spanglish. Odd little flick, can't say that I liked or disliked it. Not your typical Adam Sandler movie, that's for sure.

One of my finer moments, was just a short time ago. I got out veggie burger patties to bake for dinner, layed them on out the baking sheet, turned on the oven and set the timer an extra five minutes to allow for preheating....and walked away. Twenty minutes later I return to the sound of the timer buzzing to discover an empty oven and baking sheet with delightfuly frozen veggie burger patties sitting on the stove. I still can't quite believe I managed to do that.

I think I've finally managed to recover from NSD :P! I'm still in the process of downloading all the goodies I bought. I bought way to much stuff! Three of the kits were charity kits (Bluebell Road from SP, Priceless from Digiscrapdivas and Circle of Friends from ACOT),so I don't feel badly about those ;)! I also won a fabulous $25 gift certificate from Michelle Underwood during an SBB crop! Thank you too SBB and Michelle! I also got stuff from Miss Mint, Gina Miller, Eve Recinella, Amy Tanabe and Dani Mogstad :O! See I told you I bought way to much!

I discovered I have OVER 100 unused kits on my hard drive!! I'm going to try and make myself scrap a page a day to start using some of my gorgeous goodies! They are much too sweet just to take up hard drive space and not meet their beautiful LO potential :D!

I'm also going to try and update this lonely little blog daily, hopefully I'll be able to fulfill that goal!

In case you were wondering....

...and you probably weren't, but it is exactly 100 days until I graduate from COLLEGE! :) I am so very very excited to be finally getting this done...I've never been one of those people who wanted to go "all the way" ie Masters/Doctorate...I just want my Bachelor's and want to enjoy my free time again. Right now, for me, it's just about having an idea (go to college) and seeing it through to the finish. I might just do a 100 days and counting layout...hmmmm... sounds better than the paper I should be writing {bad Lena} Thanks for listening :)