shock and awe....
At this very moment, four years ago today, I was still married to my husband Marshall. I was still pregnant with my first child, Gabriel. I wouldn't be pregnant much longer. I was in the hospital undergoing an induction. My contractions were very mild at that point but often and uncomfortable to prevent me from sleeping. I remember glaring at my sleeping husband all night long. To this day it still ticks me off.
My labor eventually ended in an emergency cesarean section. Moments after my water broke, the room filled with people. Gabriel's heartrate had plummetted. It was terrifying. All of these people doing all kinds of stuff to me and the machines and no one told me what was happening until a clipboard with for consent to the c-section was pushed into my face. I sobbed uncontrollably. I was told I would be put under general anesthesia and my husband could not be in the delivery room. My family, who had all been at the hopsital anxiously waiting with me, had went off to eat lunch at the dr's announcement that I would be in labor for many, many more hours.
When I got into the OR, the anesthesiologist offered me a spinal block instead of general anesthesia. I gladly accepted the thought of being out for hours was too much to bear. The anesthesiologist stayed right by me the entire time. He comforted me and assured me that everything was going just perfectly. Gabriel was born at 1:42 pm. I still remember the sound of his cry and the relief that swept over me. I only got to see a quick glance of him before they took him off to the nursery. It was love at first sight.
He was sooo tiny. He only weighed 5lbs 1/2 ounce. He was only 17 3/4 inches long. I was fairly out of it in the recovery room. My family and friends kept coming in to see me but I was very incoherent. Shortly after I left the recovery room the emotions hit me. I was a basket case. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't see Gabriel b/c I had just had the c-section. They could not bring him to me because he was sooo tiny that he was unable to maintain his body temperature if he wasn't under the warming lights. My family was telling me he had webbed fingers and toes. I was shocked and it upset me so much. We had not been prepared for anything like that and the hormones and the traumatic birth and not being able to see my baby was just too much. The drugs from the c-section were so awful, my face wouldn't itching, I kept throwing up and I was so hot I couldn't stand it.
I finally got to see Gabriel that evening around 7 pm. I had a lot of trouble holding him because every time I sat up even a little bit I threw up and and became super dizzy. It was so frustrating. He looked so tiny and so perfect to me. I remember staring up at the television. The news said the U.S. had begun dropping bombs on Iraq. They were calling the campaign Shock and Awe. I can't really describe how I felt. I remember thinking the title seemed very appropriate. It described the experience of giving birth to my first child very well. It seemed so surreal that he was born on the very day we went to war. It's even more surreal to think he turns 4 today and we are still there.
The next weeks of my life were such a blur. I'm sure most mothers would agree that those first few weeks are a blur. I had never been so scared in all my life. Gabriel was this tiny little baby and I was so unexperienced. There were problems too. He wasn't perfectly healthy. We were told there were genetic problems but no clue as to what they were. He failed his hearing screens. He had something that seemed like reflux. It got scarier though. It was soon evident that it was more than reflux. He started having 'episodes'. They were later diagnosed as seizures. His body would seize up, he would stop breathing, he would LITERALLY turn blue, he would go completely limp and we had to resuscitate him so many times in those weeks. I can't even describe it.
After a 10 day stay in the NICU of our local Children's Hospital, Gabriel was diagnosed with hypoparathyroidism. His calcium levels were dangerously low and causing hypocalcemic seizures. We had so many different tests and doctors. In the following months he was diagnosed with a hearing loss, exotropia, a severe developmental delay and a rare chromosomal deletion. The deletion was so rare we had no idea what to expect.
We still really don't know what to expect. Things are more clear than 4 years ago but no clear picture of the long term effects. We do know Gabriel has mental retardation but the severity in uncertain. I have always thought Gabriel would walk but he was recently diagnosed with his achilles tendon being too tight. I'm sure there is something they can do about this but it is scary and disconcerting to hear.
One thing I can say for sure, Gabriel is the sweetest, happiest little boy you will ever meet. He is such a blessing to everyone he meets. He is ray of pure sunshine. I am the luckiest mom ever.
My labor eventually ended in an emergency cesarean section. Moments after my water broke, the room filled with people. Gabriel's heartrate had plummetted. It was terrifying. All of these people doing all kinds of stuff to me and the machines and no one told me what was happening until a clipboard with for consent to the c-section was pushed into my face. I sobbed uncontrollably. I was told I would be put under general anesthesia and my husband could not be in the delivery room. My family, who had all been at the hopsital anxiously waiting with me, had went off to eat lunch at the dr's announcement that I would be in labor for many, many more hours.
When I got into the OR, the anesthesiologist offered me a spinal block instead of general anesthesia. I gladly accepted the thought of being out for hours was too much to bear. The anesthesiologist stayed right by me the entire time. He comforted me and assured me that everything was going just perfectly. Gabriel was born at 1:42 pm. I still remember the sound of his cry and the relief that swept over me. I only got to see a quick glance of him before they took him off to the nursery. It was love at first sight.
He was sooo tiny. He only weighed 5lbs 1/2 ounce. He was only 17 3/4 inches long. I was fairly out of it in the recovery room. My family and friends kept coming in to see me but I was very incoherent. Shortly after I left the recovery room the emotions hit me. I was a basket case. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't see Gabriel b/c I had just had the c-section. They could not bring him to me because he was sooo tiny that he was unable to maintain his body temperature if he wasn't under the warming lights. My family was telling me he had webbed fingers and toes. I was shocked and it upset me so much. We had not been prepared for anything like that and the hormones and the traumatic birth and not being able to see my baby was just too much. The drugs from the c-section were so awful, my face wouldn't itching, I kept throwing up and I was so hot I couldn't stand it.
I finally got to see Gabriel that evening around 7 pm. I had a lot of trouble holding him because every time I sat up even a little bit I threw up and and became super dizzy. It was so frustrating. He looked so tiny and so perfect to me. I remember staring up at the television. The news said the U.S. had begun dropping bombs on Iraq. They were calling the campaign Shock and Awe. I can't really describe how I felt. I remember thinking the title seemed very appropriate. It described the experience of giving birth to my first child very well. It seemed so surreal that he was born on the very day we went to war. It's even more surreal to think he turns 4 today and we are still there.
The next weeks of my life were such a blur. I'm sure most mothers would agree that those first few weeks are a blur. I had never been so scared in all my life. Gabriel was this tiny little baby and I was so unexperienced. There were problems too. He wasn't perfectly healthy. We were told there were genetic problems but no clue as to what they were. He failed his hearing screens. He had something that seemed like reflux. It got scarier though. It was soon evident that it was more than reflux. He started having 'episodes'. They were later diagnosed as seizures. His body would seize up, he would stop breathing, he would LITERALLY turn blue, he would go completely limp and we had to resuscitate him so many times in those weeks. I can't even describe it.
After a 10 day stay in the NICU of our local Children's Hospital, Gabriel was diagnosed with hypoparathyroidism. His calcium levels were dangerously low and causing hypocalcemic seizures. We had so many different tests and doctors. In the following months he was diagnosed with a hearing loss, exotropia, a severe developmental delay and a rare chromosomal deletion. The deletion was so rare we had no idea what to expect.
We still really don't know what to expect. Things are more clear than 4 years ago but no clear picture of the long term effects. We do know Gabriel has mental retardation but the severity in uncertain. I have always thought Gabriel would walk but he was recently diagnosed with his achilles tendon being too tight. I'm sure there is something they can do about this but it is scary and disconcerting to hear.
One thing I can say for sure, Gabriel is the sweetest, happiest little boy you will ever meet. He is such a blessing to everyone he meets. He is ray of pure sunshine. I am the luckiest mom ever.
posted by Tabatha at 5:57 AM
3 Comments:
he IS pure sunshine...anyone who has been around him can attest to that! You are a lucky mom! Love you!
You are such a wonderful mom! Thank you for sharing your memories with us!!
What a tramatic time for you but you are right that you are the luckiest mom cause he is adorable!! Happy Belated Gabriel!!
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