Snow day!

Today is the first snow day of Gabriel's school career! Of course, I was up and already had him ready before the announcement came. Funny, I remember this school district doing the same thing when I was in school. It was annoying then too!

I was up long before the alarm went off anyway. I was so tired last night. I conked out at 7:30!! Having gone to bed so early, I kept waking up all through the night. I made myself go back to sleep every time though. Finally I had to get up around 4:45!

I still don't have Tristan! My aunt has kept him all this time. He is handful but I miss him so much. I'm not sure that I can get him back today either :(! My aunt lives out in the boondocks and the roads are snowy and icy. As a general rule, she doesn't travel out when the weather is like this. It's not really safe for me to try and go up either.

Gabriel has a doctor's appointment this afternoon too. I really don't want to cancel it. He has a nasty cough. Funny though, that is all he has, just a cough, no other symptoms. I guess I'll just see how the roads are when the time comes.

I'm happy to report, he's back to sleep now :)!! Maybe I'll go back to bed in a bit. It's not often that I get the chance. I'm watching the most messed episode of Buffy right now *lol*. It's Restless, the finale of the fourth season. It's definitely kind of out there! They are all stuck in a nightmare.

I got tagged by Lena yesterday, I guess I'm gonna do it. I don't really know that I have a bunch of interesting secrets to share though. The challenge is share 5 secrets. Okay, so here's my try...

1. I'm only one semester shy of having a Bachelor's Degree in English. I have no plans to return to college to achieve said degree. I may never go back and I'm okay with that, though it seems everyone else has a problem with it.
2. My Christmas tree is still up. One year, it stayed up until March. It may stay up that long this year. I don't really care so much.
3. I'm overweight and I have no immediate plans to lose weight. Life is too short to worry about calories and fat grams. I eat what I want and I don't feel guilty about it. I love food and feel sorry for people who spend a lot of time worrying about their weight and what they can or cannot eat. I refuse to define myself by how much I weigh.
4. I don't know if I believe in God anymore. Part of me does and part of me isn't so sure. I always used to think I would feel incredibly sad if I lost my faith in God but I don't feel that way at all. I don't really feel anything. Maybe I'll have a renewal of faith, maybe I won't.
5. I drink Pepsi, almost exclusively. I never drink water and I only drink milk or juice a few times a year. A few times a week, I drink coffee (well creamer with a little bit of coffee).

Fun stuff, eh? Mostly I'm learning to accept myself. I have no ambition to return to school or lose weight. I'm content with myself the way I am. That gives me great peace. True, I suffer from depression. My depression is not environmental or situational, it's clinical. Perhaps, a chemical imbalance. Perhaps an unhappiness that lies deeper than anything I'm capable of controlling. What I do know, is that I'm not perfect. No one is perfect. No one's life is perfect. It doesn't matter how it looks from the outside. It's all just a facade. No one has it all together. Everyone has their demons and telling the world how wonderful your life is won't make them go away.

I refuse to crucify myself for my flaws. I will accept myself, the good and the bad. I will love myself. I may not be perfect. I may not always be completely happy but I will be true to myself.